When I was younger I had experiences that I never questioned, because in my family we didn’t talk and I was extremely introverted so I kept things pretty tight, to myself, very private. Having an older sister at first had it’s disadvantage; being the oldest she was always tasked with watching her younger siblings and she really hated it and wanted nothing to do with us. However, growing up and out on our own, we became close, spending more time together and she would always talk to me about her metaphysical groups, workshops she was attending and the out of body experiences she was initiating. I was an avid listener and although I didn’t really share any of my own phenomena with her, I was soulfully drawn in to what I would later call, awakening. When you are ready the teacher does come and that teacher was my sister.
For me, if I broke it down, there were two types of beings on the planet; those that are conscious and those that are unconscious. Although I was experiencing the divine and my innate gifts at the very young age of 7, I really did not have the “big” picture until my sister began to dialogue with me all of the things that she was learning - and it was quite extensive. She studied with “teachers”, had a mate that was also into the metaphysical and practiced healing and she was pretty much getting into as much as she could get. She had a voracious appetite and was pretty tapped in. I remember, with great detail the point in which I was whining and complaining about the constant adversity of my life and her response was to tell me that I chose it. “What? Oh no, if this was a choice I would never have chosen this, absolutely not.”
At even the mere notion of this, I would throw a “not mine” tantrum. I mean who would've picked this life and all that I had gone through in such a short period of time - I was only 24. (As Mrs. C said to me one time, “Karen, you’ve got stories”, and there is good reason for that; you don’t get stories from an idyllic life.) Over the next few months I would have many a dialogue with my sister where I adamantly declared that I had not chosen this life, I would have never chosen this life and if this is what i got it was because I was in the wrong line or not paying attention. (But those are choices as well, right?) Sigh…...
Well I could have just got stuck at that point but then I began to ask myself why I would have chosen this life. Seriously? And then it all slowly began to change.
And even though I was doing my best to relinquish myself of any responsibility for my current life, it really doesn’t work that way. Once you “awake” to that divine being that you are, the Universe is a strict and relentless teacher; there is no going back. You are accountable for yourself, for your life. And from that point forward I found myself getting “slammed” when I wasn’t tapping into my divine side and walking the talk. Now some people think that they are unlucky when things happen to them but psssst, it is happening because you are not doing what you are supposed to and the Universe, being kind and benevolent at first, sends several warnings, but left unheeded, it loses patience and then pretty much slams you to get your undivided attention. There is a path, and once you wake up and understand your accountability, you are on it. No going back.
But I have to admit, I was of the school of hard knocks; it took a few good slams to make me fully surrender to my life, who I was and becoming, what I believed and acted on and who I was meant to be. Sprinkled in between all of those years, I would dip a toe cautiously from magic to muggle, but forewarned is forearmed, and as soon as I would get an inkling of a warning about to present to me, I would pull myself back on track pretty quick. I paid attention.
Looking back, I laugh when I think about how much I carried on and fought my sister against this involuntary recruitment. She was not having any of it. She would just look at me and smile. I always tell her that she dragged me kicking and screaming right along behind her on this conscious journey and I am so very grateful that she did. I must have known how hard it would be to be accountable to no one but yourself for everything in your life and to learn from the plentitude of lessons this life has given me but it has afforded me my best self and that is worth all of it.
So No Backsies! Don’t even think about it…...
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