Over the years, I have had many employers, not that I was a serial employee hopping from job to job, but more that when things were done, I was always prompted on to my next job, whether I thought it was time or not. I was very blessed to find employment easily, when I needed it and I was able to get higher level positions each time, more money and responsibility, while still doing what I loved. My mother, who would never let us stay home from school or anywhere else that kept us in plain sight, unless we were dead or in the hospital, instilled in me a very strong work ethic which proved to be a positive, initially, in the corporate world.
I was truly blessed. In all of these years I was “laid off” once for those concerted activities I shared with you in my last blog and let go once as a mutual agreement with a very nice package. I started working weekends and nights as a babysitter when I was 13, became a health aid in my junior year working private care and then went on to get my Nursing license, ultimately switching careers, went to college nights and just pushed on. I did not know my life without work.
My shortest employment was one year, which, if I look back, was really a transition point, my longest was seventeen where I achieved my highest career level, made lifelong friends and procured very fond memories. When I left there, it was almost five years after my late husband’s sudden death and 3 major global project implementations where I worked 24x7. I was so burnt out at that point that I decided to take a year off to get myself together, make some much overdue life decisions and only after six months did I begin to feel the slightest bit of normal. Sigh.
After a little bit more than a year had passed, I began the resume revision and arduous job search; I was no spring chicken, had softened on going back to corporate and was definitely stepping down to a less, responsible, easier job that gave me more “me” time. And so, a few months on a career sight, I received a call that brought me to my first opportunity as a contractor. And so I went back into the corporate sector on my terms, with no ties and after proving myself, could rearrange my work schedule around my new found unemployment activities, the gym and guitar lessons which I was not giving up. After two extensions on my contract and an offer of a permanent job, of which my former boss talked me into, I went back into the corporate world where I would be tested on so many different levels. Sigh.
Firstly, as a contractor I would be floating amongst the employees but never truly belong. Being mostly introverted and not good in social settings, I was definitely nervous about just feeling comfortable among strangers, not knowing anyone and forget about ever “fitting in''. It was a huge company and I was having to go to other locations; more people I didn’t know and places I was unfamiliar with. ‘Tre’ uncomfortable. When I became an employee, I was pretty much set up and supposed to just know what I was doing without much training and guidance. Hmmm was it me? Well, if it was, I surprised myself, by being the only one in my cube row to know and talk to all of my cube mates who were not part of my team and that my colleagues who had been there for years didn’t even know. This is where I met and became friends with Ingrid, co-conspirator for this blog. My biggest lesson, however, was how to interact with Management when I had operated at their level and higher. How do you do “lower”? It was a balancing act each and every day but at one point in my back and forth to try to find that sweet spot, I decided I was not going to go lower, I was going to hold my own truth, ethics, morales, speak up, speak out always with respect and make peace with taking a back seat. And so it went; I had three different jobs in the last 5 years, went through six bosses due to re-orgs, two different locations; one out of state, made lots of good friends all over the world, volunteered, assisted my teammates when I could and always helped any of the teams I worked with so we could all be successful.
So you could imagine my surprise when just this last week, my boss set up a 15 minute catch up call in which our HRBP was present, to let me know they were letting me go…..
He only spoke for about 3 minutes to deliver the news, tell me how sorry he was and that it was a very
difficult decision. HR spoke for the remaining time to go over the package, details, any questions and although I remained calm, inside my heart was racing.
After hanging up, I went through a whole stream of emotions, upset, embarrassed, anxious, a bit angry but more so i took it personally knowing full well that I had better skills and track record than some of my other colleagues who survived. I later found out that two other teammates were also let go.
It took me about 10.5 years after Chuck passed for me to finally decide where to live - and this was only after uprooting myself and moving around, (and I mean moving around multi-states and one country), over a 4 year period. I wanted to buy another home, get rooted somewhere, unpack all of my boxes and furniture that I had been dragging around for years and finally have a home base of my own. With this one twist of fate, my one decision was obliterated and I was blown back into the limbo that I had known and that I had struggled so hard and long to put behind me. Apparently not. And getting a job amidst COVID and all of the people who already had lost their jobs and businesses losing their life, it wasn’t going to be easy.
The next morning I got up and went for my daily walk and had a heart to heart with the Divine. I re-centered myself, regrouped, knew I couldn’t be angry because I totally believe in fate, knew I would be alright because I totally trusted and had faith that it was “time” and I was being pushed to something different, something new and let go of taking it personally, because nothing is personal, it is just the reflection of the other person on you and I have made it a lifelong habit of not taking on any other person’s shit. I realized that everything I was nervous about in this job, I had already been preparing for in my transient years prior and so I went to work that day like I will do every day until my last and I waited to have my transition discussion with my boss.
We spoke like old friends, he expressed how upset he had been. That it was a sign of things to come and other people that would be let go. I shared with him how the timing couldn’t be worse and all my plans that came to a screeching halt in that one moment. He shared with me his concerns and angst and what he was doing personally to lighten the load. We saw we were “in synch” in what we were doing, preparing for, feeling. It was a really good talk, a much needed follow up, like my dear friends that I also shared the news with, that pretty much said the same things to me as I would say to them if the roles were reversed and I thanked God that I have them all around me.
But there was one thing that set it all to rest, one thing that I didn’t know I needed to hear until I heard it and it was this. At the end of our call, my boss said to me, “Out of all of the people that I know here, you are the one that I will miss the most.”
I know, without any doubt, that this is the point where I am supposed to get off, to go on, to be somewhere else to engage, to learn and to continue to make an impression, a good impression, even if it is just one. It is still the ripple that flows out into everything else.
