I was extremely introverted as a child and well into my twenties, preferring to stay within myself and venturing out only whenever necessary. I did not understand the world in general, nor the people around me and didn’t think too much about it either, never really being exposed to it in conversation or experience. I was quiet, shy and stayed mostly to myself and as I got older only felt comfortable around a chosen few. I remember that from the young age of seven (7) I could “feel” people and tell if they were good or not, feel places and tell if I was safe or not and I would know things, very specific things, especially when someone was lying; like fingernails dragged across a blackboard, the lies palpable.
As I got older, I was forced to make an effort to come more outside of myself, due mostly to working in corporate and prodding by my older sister, and began to engage in this balancing act where I would only put “out” what most would perceive as “normal” and never mention my beliefs, gifts or other metaphysical references; those were kept “in” for a very close circle of family and friends that understood and supported me. As I got older and more aligned to my spiritual path, my inside self would surprise me by finding any part in a conversation I was having to effortlessly jump in and at first, I was not prepared for the reactions. Saying anything in a metaphysical or spiritual context would cause my conversation partner to freeze, eyes wide, blank stare, perfectly still as if I had hit them full force with a stun gun. At first, when this would happen, I would continue to explain further, thinking they didn’t quite understand what I was trying to say but they would remain transfixed. Once I experienced this a few times I knew better then to continue down that path and I would revert back to a more normal line of thought immediately. They would come back to life as if I snapped my fingers and for the most part, end the conversation abruptly and take their leave. As I gained experience in what I like to refer to as my “Kodak moments”, I would immediately reference something completely different to snap them out of their stupor and carry on in a more neutral line. To be totally honest, on a few occasions, I would say something on purpose just to see them freeze like deer in the headlights, finding it pretty amusing and then I would take my leave.
So where did all of this get me. Well I can honestly say that no one ended up on Dr. Phil because of my metaphysical sputtering and It has taken years, lots and lots of years for me to pull my inside to my outside and be all the person facing the world that I truly am. Is it comfortable? Hell no, and I don’t know if it will ever be. However, I am out now, so God help the lying masses………..
